Nude Beach

Have you ever been to a nude beach? I have, and after several years of being there, have made these observations.

1. It is impossible not to look. You can try, but it's fruitless. You just can't help yourself, I guarantee it. You can play it cool, you can be nude yourself (or not be nude), but you will look at everyone else. So if you ever get to a nude beach and erroneously believe that nobody is looking at you........you're wrong.

2. Dark sunglasses are a must. If you need an explanation, see number 1.

3. Cameras are a no-no. On the nude beach that we have been to for the last several years, there seems to be a self-appointed Nudie Camera Patrolman. We have been to this beach once a week every year for the last 5 or 6 years, and this guy is always there. Nude, of course. He minds his own business, does some yoga on top of a big rock, and patrols for gawkers with cameras. I have seen him confront people with cameras who are surreptitiously trying to take pictures of nude people, and others who are not so sneaky. He catches a lot of them. Once, I saw him repeatedly step in front of a man who was trying to take pictures of some young women who were sunbathing nude. The frustrated photographer finally gave up and probably went home with a lot of pictures of the same naked guy instead of the girls. Shame on the camera guy.

4. The same people you see freely walking up and down the beach nude, swimming nude, and playing games nude will step behind a rock to put their clothes ON. I mentioned this to a local once and they said it makes perfect sense -- being nude is being just like everyone else, but the way you get dressed is personal. Food for thought....... and I happen to understand it.

5. There will always be an exhibitionist. It never fails. There is always one guy (and yes, sorry men, but I mean a man) who just wants everyone to look at him naked. And you have to hand it to this guy because he doesn't usually don't have the best physique on the beach, but seems to truly believe that everyone wants him to walk naked really close to them or chat with him. Kudos for the self-confidence, I guess.

6. Sunblock is important. And I mean, REALLY important. I saw an unfortunate woman this year whose breasts were so red they were like beacons, and I've lost count of the number of sunburned penises I've seen. When they're sunburned, they're really noticeable...........trust me.

In closing, I must admit that I've probably focused too much on the actual nudity at the beach. There are clothed people there, too, and kids. If you want to envision freedom, watch a kid running through a tide pool on the ocean beach. It's really about acknowledging that things that might make you uncomfortable can also make you a little more self aware and accepting of others.

Just in case I got a little too introspective for a moment, did I mention the rather hefty naked man walking around (for hours) wearing a fanny pack? And yes, he wore the "fanny" part on his fanny.

Joy, Melancholy, Fear......

In case I haven't admitted it as of yet, I am a reality food tv junkie. Anything to do with cooking, and I'm in. Top Chef, The Next Food Network Star, Iron Chef America........most recently Cupcake Challenge & DC Cupcakes. Yes, I should probably be embarrassed, but I'm just not.

There is a point to this confession. Tonight, during my reality food tv watching, the real life contestants were creating dishes that portrayed emotions.....joy, melancholy, fear, jealousy, surprise....and I thought, "Holy crap. Welcome to my summer." Now if I could only express it all through food, I'd be some kind of genius and have my own tv show. For now, I'll stick to my little blog.

Joy comes into play for me with my sheer love of summer. I'm not sure if it's carry over from childhood, but I have always loved summer. My parents were both schoolteachers, so summer was special because we had all day together. We would boat every afternoon on the great little lake in our town, pack a picnic to be eaten on the water, and the day always ended with me napping in the boat while my brother, John, waterskied. My dad was a park ranger during the summer months, so evenings were spent walking or biking through his campground and meeting people that I still call friends 30 years later.

Melancholy comes into play today because I feel like summer is coming to a close, and I'm not positive, but I think I take this harder than my kids. I hate to see them head back to school. I miss them, and they get so busy. Some days I drive 50 miles one way to watch a ball game, just to catch 5 minutes of chat time with them in the bleachers after the game. I'm not complaining, it's worth the drive.

I don't live with a lot of fear or jealousy, so we'll skip those. :-) Hurray for me, right?

Surprise hits me about every stinking day. Either I'm pretty dense, or I just can't keep up with life. I look around and wonder how the hell I got to be almost 40 years old (January, in case you wondered), with kids that are now "upperclassmen" in college (thanks for pointing that out, Kenz), a couple more that are now old enough in high school that it's time to start looking at colleges (or at least time to convince them that college is a good idea, Syd), and the youngest is entering his last year of middle school. I'm not sure if life surprises me, or if I'm determined to surprise life by fighting back.

Suffice it to say, I will fight off fall as long as I can. I appreciate fall's beauty, but am destined to always resent it because it signals the end of summer. My lovely husband was kind enough to point out that it's a little early to mourn summer, since it's only August 1st, and I think it's supposed to be in the upper 80's all week. The way I see it, one must do what one must do. For me, this means racing to my mom's to take a swim tomorrow as soon as I'm off work, and to thumb my nose at the breeze when I think it carries a hint of fall.

Having thought about it for awhile, wouldn't a reality tv show with people creating cocktails for every emotion you experience be great? You could say things like, "I'll have the Cheerful cocktail with a twist of Jubilation." Or, "May I please have a Guilty beer with a shot of Agony?" "Hit me with some lust, baby." "I'd order the Sympathy, but I am too Shamed to ask."

My new favorite, "I'll have the Arousal as an appetizer, followed by the Passion-tini."

On that note, good night, folks. I think it's time to find my hubby and head to bed.